Bad Ramen
by ShullBitter
Summary: Eating weird things before bed gives Naruto a strange dream, a dream of the pirate life.


BAD RAMEN

"Naruto! Don't eat such weird things on your ramen so close to bed!" Sakura chastised her teammate. Naruto just paused and looked at her, mouth filled with yet another new ramen 'flavor' that he was in the process of inventing. Sakura shook her head; he really was hopeless.

Naruto started to say something through his mouthful, but Sakura raised a hand, commanding him to swallow first. "Sakura-chan! This isn't weird at all! It's going to be the next wave of ramen!"

His teammate laughed at him. "Let's just see if you still say that when it gives you some kind of strange dream. But, I'm going to go home now so that I'll be able to stay awake during our training session tomorrow."

"Want me to walk you home?" Naruto offered gallantly.

"Silly, I'm a ninja, so I think I can walk home by myself. Besides, if you insist on eating such strange things, you should at least eat them before they get cold," she smiled at him, running a hand through her hair in exasperation. Naruto would never really change, so it was a good thing that she had obviously grown fond of him by now.

Naruto smiled sheepishly. "I'll walk you to the door then," he modified. Sakura had no desire to protest that particular show of manners from her teammate. After they made their goodbyes in the doorway, Naruto returned to his kitchen to finish his late extra dinner. Once he finished eating, he quickly went through his nightly routine and retired to bed, Sakura's warning about eating weird things before bed leading to weird dreams totally forgotten.

PAGEBREAK

It was midmorning. The sea was calmer then it had been all month, with soft rolling waves breaking only upon hitting the side of the ship, sending salty sea spray into the air. The sun tickled Naruto's tanned face. The well-worn wood was warm under his bare feet as he walked the deck of the vessel, making sure that everything was in order. This was the last leg of their voyage, a daylong hop from one small port to a considerably larger port city.

His fellow sailors had quite an air of eagerness among them, eager to have their job completed. Most of them on this ship were not full crew, just freelancers who signed on for just one trip at a time. The ship was also carrying a stock of exotic rums for a friend of the captain, a friend apparently not known for tolerating late deliveries. Yes, it was far too close to the end of this journey for things to start going wrong.

Naruto came across the youngest member of the crew, sitting at the stern of the boat. The cabin boy was acting very strangely: writing notes, stuffing them into bottles, and tossing the bottles into the sea. There was something about the scene that Naruto found comical.

"Oi! Konohamaru! If you're that desperate to send a letter, you should have sent it earlier this morning while we were still in port! It's a lot more reliable then bottles," Naruto laughed as he approached the cabin boy. Konohamaru was the only member of the crew who was younger then Naruto, so Naruto long ago decided to take him under his wing just as the captain had done for Naruto himself.

"Yo, Naruto," the kid greeted him, stuffing another letter in a bottle for tossing purposes. "These are letters that I'm not going to send." The behavior was rather strange, even from Konohamaru.

"Really? Why are you writing them then?" Naruto asked, moving quickly to snatch the bottle from Konohamaru before he could throw it overboard. The boy protested, of course, but Naruto was able to stay out of his shorter reach. When he finally was able to push Konohamaru far enough back, Naruto smashed the bottle on the top of the railing. He picked out the note from the pile of broken glass.

"Don't read it!" came Konohamaru futile protest. The boy was turning slightly pink.

"What kind of big brother figure would I be to you if I didn't stay current in what's going on in your life?" Naruto smiled at his lame excuse, and started reading, all the while dodging Konohamaru's re-invigorated attempts to retrieve the note. "Oh, it's for Moegi? She's one of those friends back at your home that you're always sending postcards to! Why bottled letters" Naruto stopped as he read further and started laughing.

"Stop it! Stop it right now!" Konohamaru's face was now achieving a bright red color from embarrassment and anger. Naruto patting him on the read really did not improve the situation at all.

"I'm going to give you some man to man advice," the blonde buccaneer announced. Despite Konohamaru's anger, he paid close attention to words of wisdom from his idol.

"If you like her, you need to gather your courage and tell her. You didn't blink twice when you almost went overboard in that storm a week or so ago, so Moegi shouldn't scare you at all!" Naruto grinned as he finished, but then added, "But when you do tell her, be sure to use less cheesy metaphors."

His laughing was interrupted by the sound of the tortured hinge on the captain's quarter's back door. The captain, the legendary privateer Jiraiya, still slightly hung over, stepped out.

"Oi! Naruto! Get your worthless self in here; I need to talk to you!" he called out.

"Coming, Captain Pervert!" Naruto taunted as he scampered over to the door. The perverted captain in question swatted the energetic youth with his hat.

"Don't address your captain with such little respect." Jiraiya was still grumbling about no good brats as he ushered his apprentice into the most posh room on the ship. He closed the door.

Naruto spun a globe as he passed it before settling in his usual chair in front of the captain's desk. Usually he would have leaned back and plopped his bare feet on the desk, just to annoy his mentor, but this time he didn't want to risk smudging the maps that were currently laid out on it. Instead, he had to settle for picking up a compass and playing with it, idly walking and dancing it across the maps, all the while being very careful not to mark or damage the parchment.

Jiraiya sat down in his large, leather bound captain's chair. To occupy his own hands, he grabbed a small bottled replica of his beloved ship, the Come Come Paradise. It even had the overly busty mermaid at the bow, a perfect attention to detail using an artist's eyes and love.

He finally cleared his throat and began, "So, Naruto… Fifteen already, finally a man."

"My birthday was yesterday, and you just used it as an excuse to get trashed!" Naruto butted in.

Jiraiya put down his ship replica and fingered his hat dangerously, promising a smack if such impudence continued. "There was some information that I was instructed to reveal to you upon your fifteenth birthday"

Naruto interrupted him again before he got any farther. "Then why didn't you tell me yesterday?" He was partially spoofing himself, spoofing how energetic and over-eager he had been when he first came under Jiraiya's guidance. But only partially spoofing.

"I was being nice and letting you enjoy the celebration, you little brat!" He had not seriously taken offence at his student. He did not even think that Naruto could manage to seriously offend him while expending full effort. "Now, if there are to be no more interruptions, are you ready to listen to what I have to say?"

"Sure, sure," Naruto said as he settled himself deeper into the chair, getting comfortable. He figured that this would probably just be another lecture on responsibility, possibly ending with him being granted a new and most likely conditional privilege.

His captain smirked. "Certainly you've heard about the terrible Captain Kyuubi and his Nine Sails?"

"Everyone knows about Captain Kyuubi," Naruto shrugged it off. "But what does some dead old pirate from stories have to do with me?"

With a laugh, Jiraiya answered, "Those stories are almost all true, and old Captain Kyuubi has a lot to do with you. Lift up your shirt."

"You perver"

Jiraiya interrupted him. "That joke was old years ago, just do it."

Naruto laughed shortly and lifted his shirt, revealing a spiral tattoo on his stomach. It was something that, as far as he knew, he had since birth. "Isn't it pretty?" he joked.

"It's more then pretty, punk. It's the map to Captain Kyuubi's treasure." Jiraiya ended his sentence there with a pause just for dramatic purposes.

"WHAT!" Naruto so eloquently put it.

"Not so loud," Jiraiya rebuked him, massaging his poor, ringing ears. "But it's true," he said after re-collecting himself. Once he had the boy's full if eager attention, he pulled a key out of nowhere and used it to unlock a hidden desk drawer. Naruto had never seen him use that drawer before this day. From it, he removed a parchment scroll, scarlet wax seal on it still in place. "This is the key to the map on your stomach."

Naruto gingerly took the scroll from Jiraiya's hands. Though it had been kept carefully hidden and protected, climate shifts and humidity had reached even as far as its lonely desk drawer, so it looked its age, fifteen years by the date on the seal. He looked at the seal more closely and an involuntary gasp escaped him. "This seal was made by the..!"

"The Fourth Captain of the Konoha, my first apprentice, and the man who gave his life to take down Captain Kyuubi," Jiraiya said with all due reverence. "And this scroll is for you."

"Why me?" Naruto questioned, gently exploring every aspect of the scroll, perfectly in awe.

"Well, you can't expect to learn everything in one day, kid, so just be glad that I'm telling you this much." The captain paused. "The scroll's not getting any younger, you know. Hurry up and open it."

It was with great regret that Naruto finally broke the aged seal made by the legendary sea hero. Even though it had been made for him and him alone to break, Naruto still felt pangs of regret and a slight guilt at destroying so rare and priceless of a relic.

The scroll itself was written in an elegant haste. The writing on it was if a very beautiful hand, despite it obviously being a work of urgency. And it was indeed the key to Naruto's tattoo, just as Jiraiya had claimed it would be. But it was quickly apparent that the translation of the tattoo was going to be a taxing task, so intricate were the how to instructions.

"No, it won't take forever," Jiraiya said as if he had read Naruto's mind. "You've already finished your morning checks, right?"

Naruto nodded, "The ship won't sink."

Jiraiya grunted approval. "Then let's get to work."

The rest of the morning passed very slowly for Naruto as his mentor tirelessly worked on translating the map on his stomach. Naruto would have liked to have been able to step in and help out a little, to get the job done faster, but the work was just too involved and too far above his skill level.

He had to find creative ways to amuse himself all the while remaining relatively motionless. He could only stare at the familiar sight of Jiraiya's scantily clad mermaid paintings for so long. Watching the captain work also proved to be beyond boring. Naruto just did not have enough background in the elaborate codes used by High Naval Officers, and without that precious knowledge, following along with the work was next to impossible.

Day dreams, he soon found, were an excellent way to stay occupied. That morning he was not quietly (well, as quietly as he was capable of, however loud that may be to people who were not Naruto) sitting in a luxuriously decadent captain's quarters belonging to another man. No, he spent the morning walking the decks of the Konoha, the most famous ship of the High Navy, the one that remained idle and captain-less for many years (a problem of succession, some would say, though there was never a lack of eager candidates).

He pictured himself as a noble commander, richer then even the families of the great houses. And this dream could easily be made reality, as soon as they finally found Captain Kyuubi's lost treasure.

Naruto was not at all ungrateful to Jiraiya; after all, Jiraiya practically raised the boy. He was a legendary sea captain in his own right. Naruto learned well under the tutelage. However, as much fun as he may have under Jiraiya's able command, Naruto really did feel ready to branch out and captain on his own. So what that he was young? Captain Kyuubi's treasure would make all the difference!

The ambitious boy was knocked from his reverie when Jiraiya let out a low whistle. "We'll need almost an entirely new crew for this," the captain said. "It won't be easy at all."

Naruto was surprised to see some actual, honest concern on his mentor's face. "What's so bad about it? You can handle it, right?" he asked.

Jiraiya bonked Naruto on the head with a rolled up scroll. "Of course I can, but this crew can't. Come look at this map." Jiraiya readied his lecture voice as Naruto leaned closer. "Pay attention; I don't want to have to repeat myself," he prefaced before pointing. "That strait there, we'll have to pass through it. Parts of it can get shallow this time of the year, and right off the coast around there," he pointed, "can have some nasty reefs. It can be very tough to navigate. And see that island over there? Some of the stormiest waters imaginable."

"Tsch! Weather is no match for us!" Naruto honestly did not see what the big deal was. Sure, the current crew ran more on the inexperienced side (Jiraiya would claim he hired greens to help them out as he was such a nice guy, but Naruto knew his true motivations to be the lesser salary that they demanded), but at the next port they could easily be replaced by better sailors.

"It's not just the weather though," Jiraiya looked serious. He pointed at the map. "In order to get to the treasure, we have to pass right through there."

And Naruto finally saw the reason for concern. The two most feared outlaw ships on the seas were the Akatsuki and the Sound. The route that Jiraiya was pointing at would take them right by the outskirts of the Sound waters and briefly through the heart of Akatsuki territory. This was bad. "And there's no other way?"

"Idiot, don't you think there's a reason why the most dangerous of criminals like that area so much? They know Kyuubi's treasure is near there—they just don't know exactly where." Jiraiya absent mindedly rubbed his chin. Naruto figured he was thinking about the captain of the Sound, Orochimaru. They had served together in the navy, after all, before Orochimaru left to turn rogue.

"They can't scare me, old man!" That treasure will be mine!" Naruto laughed enthusiastically. The treasure was meant for him so it would be his—he had not a single doubt in his mind towards that fact.

"That's nice," Jiraiya said. "You're free to go busy yourself elsewhere now. I have more work to do towards this matter and I no longer require your presence." A pause. "I'm sure you're about ready to explode anyways, sitting her quietly for so long."

Naruto popped right out of his chair the moment permission was granted. He flung his arms around in a ridiculous looking stretch and headed to the door, only to be interrupted by Jiraiya.

"Oh, and one last thing. Do not tell anyone anything about this. No members of the crew, no one is to know. Understood?" he asked.

Naruto nodded and flippantly waved a hand. "Of course I understand! What do you think I am, some kind of idiot?"

"Well, if the shoe fits…" Jiraiya smirked.

"Shut up, old man!" Naruto shouted as a last retort before scampering out of the room.

Once he was back on the deck, he inhaled deeply, enjoying the salty air. With the day's new knowledge, even the sun was shining brighter just for him. Adventure and riches were waiting just for him, so close he could almost reach out and touch them. Life was good.

Then it got better. From the other side of the boat, he heard a cry of, "Fresh fish!" Fate surely was smiling on Naruto. He shot off like a bat out of hell, eager to get his fair share (and hopefully someone else's fair share as well) of the tasty catch of the day.

PAGEBREAK

"And it's all true, Captain Kyuubi, the treasure, everything," Naruto said before cramming the last of Konohamaru's lunch into his mouth. After swallowing, he continued. "So that's where we're headed next. Oh, yeah, and it's a secret, so don't tell anyone."

"This story sounds kind of like a trick used to get my lunch..." Konohamaru raised an eyebrow suspiciously. "I mean…"

"I wouldn't lie to you about something like this!" Naruto shook his head with denial of the accusation. "We're like brothers, man! I'm telling the truth!" From the look on Konohamaru's face, Naruto could tell that the cabin boy still was not buying his rather outlandish but true story.

"So, what is Naruto telling you the 'truth' about today?" came a voice from behind them.

"Jiraiya! Where did you come from!" Naruto shouted, knowing he was busted if Konohamaru—

"Some crackpot story about Kyuubi's treasure being our next destination." Too late.

"So, how many other people has Naruto told this crackpot story to?" The captain's voice was far too calm, his tone far too conversational. Naruto felt worried.

"None! None! Just Konohamaru, and we can trust him!"

"Captain, so it's true?" There was awe in Konohamaru's voice. Oh, yeah, Naruto wasn't just busted, he was super busted. Naruto quickly glanced around, and found to his relief that they were the only sailors in the immediate area. That much, at least, was better then it could have been.

"Naruto! Do the words, 'tell NO one,' mean nothing to you?" Naruto winced. Jiraiya sounded angry. Or at least irritated.

"I know what you said, but I only told Konohamaru! He's one of us, not the rest of the crew! We can trust him," Naruto quickly defended his executive decision of informing his best friend.

Jiraiya's voice lowered and he dropped another bombshell. "But the only people who should even know about this voyage should be the people actually present on it."

"What? Isn't Konohamaru coming?" Naruto asked, rather shocked. The captain was silent, so Naruto launched into a defensive tirade on his young friend's behalf. "He's been with us for so long! Not taking him on this adventure wouldn't be fair!" Sure, the boy was a few years younger then Naruto, but the rest of the crew was more then a few years older. Konohamaru was the closest that Naruto had to a friend, and he just could not picture going on this, the adventure of a lifetime, without him.

"This little trip is a dangerous one, one that I'm not quite sure Konohamaru is ready for yet," Jiraiya said, being perfectly and infuriatingly reasonable. The cabin boy in question's face fell slightly in disappointment.

"What are you talking about? Of course he's ready! He learned from the best, from me and you! There's nothing in sailing that he can't handle!" Naruto passionately argued. He could not lose this fight.

Jiraiya stepped in closer to them and lowered his voice further. "Despite our best efforts, word of this will eventually get out. And when it does, all sorts of powerful and dangerous people will be gunning for us. Konohamaru is still young, and I don't know that his grandfather would approve of me placing him in such unnecessary danger so early in his life."

Konohamaru looked to Naruto, his champion and only hope. Naruto saw the longing in the younger boy's eyes. He had to at least give it a try, had to keep fighting. How could he possibly leave his best friend behind?

"His grandfather already knows how dangerous sailing itself is, but he's still here. And what we're doing won't get out! I will not tell a single other person! And Konohamaru won't either. He's old enough, and I'll make sure he stays safe!" The plea didn't seem to have much of an effect on the captain. "Besides, what would Konohamaru do if we didn't take him? It would be a lot more dangerous to leave a kid alone at a boarding house or something for however long it takes while we're all over the seas!" Naruto grinned big and mentally gave himself a pat on the back for his new tactics.

"I never planned on leaving him alone. Only you would do something like that with someone under your care, Naruto," Jiraiya teased, possibly attempting to divert the conversation.

"Then what did you plan on doing with him? His home is so far out of the way from where we're going." Naruto gave Konohamaru a confident glance to reassure him that the battle was still far from lost, that hope still existed.

"I have a friend in port. I already asked her, and she agreed to watch out for him." Jiraiya looked right at Konohamaru and continued, "She'll probably end up working you in her tavern and might be a little strict, but she's a good person. She'll keep you safe."

"No! He can't stay with some old granny friend of yours! He has to come along with us!" Naruto felt his protests becoming more desperate. "He's ready for it; he's brave enough! He's a good sailor and more importantly, we can trust him! We need him on this trip; we need him!"

For a moment it looked like the captain's eyes, like his resolve, might have softened. "How about we make a deal then? If you don't say anything else about it for the remainder of this trip, until we get into port, I'll reconsider letting him come. Seriously, I'll think about it. Then, once we're landed for the night, I'll give my decision—my final decision."

"You're not lying, are you? You really will think about it? This isn't just a trick to get me to shut up?" Naruto asked, worry in his voice.

"Have a little faith in me. I really will think about it. And when we get to my friend's tavern tonight to gather a new crew, I'll give you the final decision," Jiraiya laid down the facts very plainly.

Naruto leapt up with a whoop of joy, accepting the deal. He gave Konohamaru a big smile. Hope was not lost yet. Jiraiya would see it his way, he just knew Jiraiya would. Hope was not lost yet, not by a long shot. "Come on, Konohamaru! Let's see what we can do to get into port sooner!"

The younger boy laughed and followed Naruto. They both ran off, bare feet slapping the deck, as Jiraiya watched them leave with a short chuckle.

"Do you really think he'll consent, that he'll let me come too?" Konohamaru asked his idol.

"Of course! How could he say no after my brilliant arguing! No worries about it, you will definitely be on the adventure with me! And then, when I take the treasure and take over the Konoha, you can be my first mate!" Naruto laughed. "And maybe, when I retire, I might even leave it to you so you can be the captain of the Konoha!"

The boy laughed, "Konohamaru of the Konoha, I like the sound of that! Hey, Naruto… Race you to the crow's nest!" And the boys took off, frantically running. And the ship continued on its course.

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AUTHOR'S NOTES:

This story was inspired by a challenge a million years ago on the Naruto fanfic challenge livejournal community. It doesn't really meet that challenge (I'm just guessing, as I read the challenge a loooong time ago), but it does have pirates! Ever since reading that challenge, I've wanted to combine my love of Ninja and Pirates into one monster. And here it is, the first chapter of it at least.

Any criticism is more then welcomed. This fic is un-betaed, and a beta would be so very lovely… hint hint. I'm especially concerned about characterization and nautical terms.

Hope you enjoyed it!


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